closer?

A huge need for searching is messing my stomach heart and all the physical and spiritual organs up. I feel like I have a little "google search" somewhere in my spiritual organism. I search for something, feel that some people are links for me for something else, some moments become links for other moments, meeting certain people can open a door to something else but i don''t know what that something else is. and sometimes some other people don't open any doors and then you just feel like it's no use to see them or talk to them.
I don't even feel like wanting to be in love, i just dream from time to time about somebody but don't want to see him because anyway life is complicated and dreams are better. i would define all these mixed stuff by "strawberry fields forever", i would like all these days be like strawberry fields forever, a mix. sometimes the sound is stronger (when the screen is getting more colorful, and you get closer to something ), sometimes it's just a little whisper in the back of your mind, when you act like being stuck and you are not really alive and "searching", and you only do stupid shitty things like going to an exam.
well, well, well. little amelie me.