velvet goldmine one more time

grandfather with a knife haunting us all and we running in fear after trying to keep him alive. stories about spiderman and d'artagnan and chaos messing my mind up and a lovesick feeling which makes me hide away in the house and never get out again,
although you can't be sick of love and the word is not good but you can be genetically modified for a period which means not really you which of course can scare you off for good, the inner transmutation, the change, like when spiderman puts his clothes on and he is not himself anymore or whatever any example would do,
chrismas and new year's eve and parties and big cakes with so many levels for too many people, so many people gathering around and friends talking with their mouth full about politics about snow white about my life about nothing.
wandering around in the bucharest fucking city and tension in the air and headaches.
kent ultralight, i defy you. you are not my friend anymore.
the sky is full of my friends' faces. of my parent's face. of the surreal great heroes of the humanity. of spiderman and kim-ki-duk.
electric fear. emotion.
emooootion and fear. new years eve always messes things up. this is what i'm afraid of. that we always try to glam ourselves up and fuck it all. all that it is.
i have a white dress, i have a black dress, i have a green dress. i have to survive these holidays and get back to work. sometimes i feel like grandfather- too much emotion and too many people and too many lights and everything trying to look so smart and dressed up that i can pick up the knife and accuse them of criminal intentions.
and of course above all, the best movie for these days- velvet goldmine one more time.