Monday, January 08, 2007

stand by

i am sooooo fucked.
hard to recognize myself after 4 days of fuckin' our brains out.
I don't understand how people dealt with pshychological terror during the communist regime, and now we are not able to deal with the bad-luck and bad-will and stuff like that. Last night, after we canceled the show, i was like getting so drunk and even now my whining ego says that it's so much easier to junk yourself out, but you know, with fury and despise, you know the feeling, russian-like despair... such a cute little way of being your own perfect outraged victim. but i can't believe in it.
anyway, to junk yourself out is always a solution but not to defy the destiny, fuck it, the world we live in is so mixed up that strong emotions like that can't last more than a few hours for real- and after that it's just social disguise.
i want to write the perfect fairy tale for a city like this one and play it with puppets.
this is the next project.
urban superheroes and urban fairytale, urban and more.
have to find... i forgot what.
the music of felix kubin is very good for the starting point of this story.
and i talked to kostea about internet theatre upgrading.
writing different versions for a play, and upgrades and giving free license for everybody.
fuck the copyright and fuck the license. mironghiu said it so nice, that internet is the new communism of information.
well, then no property. only intellectual moral property.
what i don't understand is what the fuck will happen with monged? It seems like a nightmare, first we could't have the proper preview because the teachers could't come, anf after the holidays, we couldn't even rehearse properly because the heating system broke down at the casandra studio.
and now we have to wait another week.
and rock'n'roll.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

make the show shorter?

this city is like a beast. sometimes it crushes you sometimes you can keep it friendly near you like a huge dog. a white one. or a huge golden retriever.
i will start the rehearsals again tomorrow. but the news is that the casandra studio is under water now. hahahahahahahahaha. soome pipes exploded. that's what the manager of the theatre told me today.
back to redbull and rehearsing.
had the time of my life on 31. fireworks and drunk people on the streets but no tension. no stress. dancing until the next day and the next night and wearing my new friendly hat in the few hours i slept, in a bed with (i think ) snow white's dwarfs. no kidding. i will leave this as the mistery between years, but i swear i had the impression that we were 4 of the 7 dwarfs from the story. but snow white had left the building.
i discovered that i use very much even in my romanian-language ego the word "friendly". a friendly city, a friendly hat, a friendly sweater, a friendly music... does this mean that i somehow have the fear of being agressed in some way or another? maybe i have some problems. some freak longing for balance and turning the music or the tv off everytime she goes into her own house? maybe i'm just sensitive. i mean, i can listen to music, but only my music. no tv, no radio, and especially no fuckin' adriano celentano or stefan hrusca.
well, that's it. but no problem.
as nadia bowers would say- "we just kept on walking!". nadia is a great blonde russian american human being and actress and i'm sure i will have her among the readers of this very helpful source of security and balance which organizes your thinking into pixels and cold harmless fuckin' internet waves. my psychological terror explodes with every Ctrl+S and every Enter pushes me into a realm of calm and contemplation.
damn. i should go to sleep. tomorrow long hard day. tomorrow be responsible. i have to cut the text (to make the show shorter) and this will really hurt.